It is Sunday afternoon and I am finally finding myself in the quiet of my own home and mind! Giselle and I buzzed out of the house early to cruise over the hill. We have been going every Sunday to Inner Light Ministries.. A wonderful, uplifting and all encompassing non-denominational church. It is my weekly treat to get over there to get a dose of positive affirmation.. The last three weeks we have had the lucky fortune of meeting Ash (Aunt Ashley) at Inner Light and then getting a nice bite to eat.. Ash is so sweet.. She just loves Giselle bell and every chance she gets she visits with us and calls to check and see how we're doing. It really is amazing how much you can love someone even more for the fact that they love your child. And she doesn't just love her, she adores her! So we made it today for a very appropriate talk on transcending seemingly human obstacles.. Well short after I got put to the test!
After a good visit nearing the end of our breakfast our little gal Giselle started getting fussy.. When I tried to feed her that was it.. She went on a two hour crying fit.. The kind that ties your stomach in knots and will inevitably find you crying with her at some point or another.. My poor baby. I still don't know what it was.. I tried it all. Bouncing, walking, nursing, spoon food, distraction, car ride, laying down, standing up.. Nada. So I ended up putting her in her little vibrating crib where she huffed and puffed her way to sleep within five minutes. Thank you GOD! Times like that I really wish she could talk and tell me what she needed. She hasn't had a spell like that in weeks. It looked like what some would call colic but my instinct tells me it wasn't. I think she was tired and got worked up and couldn't turn herself off.. When we got home ideally I would have rocked her to sleep but due to hours of hearing my babydoll cry, my boobs had swollen to painful proportions and I had to pump for relief.. I will laugh at this story years down the road. But today I think I will take a deep breath, turn the lights down low and hope when she wakes she'll be happy and ready to eat!
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Wow! I remember days like that, when you are sweating between the tears from the crying that won't stop. It sounds like you handled it really well. I am so proud of the mom that you are. Giselle knows that you love her and if she is melting down she could be going through a million different things. It is a science just figuring out what she wants or needs. Like you said, she could have just been needing a good cry and worked herself up too much. The day will come when she will be able to tell you what she wants (and then cry when she doesn't get it ;) ) and you won't have to guess. In the meantime, give yourself a lot of grace. You are doing a fantastic job being a mom, a partner, a friend, a sister, having time from yourself, writing and communicating with other moms and getting a sliver of time for yourself. I hope that you are proud of yourself as this is a challenging time of juggling time and people to maintain sanity!
As for the breakdown in public, as much as you may think that people are bugged and it may stress you out (if say, you get looks) in my experience, most people are on your side, wishing they could say or do something to help and understanding the stress of your crying baby. To the few that may give you a funny look, who cares, if they don't have sympathy for your situation they clearly have no heart and Santa won't be coming by their house this year... so there. I remember Sophia at around 2.5 years old. I took her into the Ben Franklin thinking that it would be a GREAT idea to browse for a while. I was pushing it as she was tired but I did it anyway. So, there we are, she melts down because she wants something that she can't have. She throws herself on the ground screaming, then she gets up and runs. EVERYONE was looking, watching as I take off after her, trying to keep my voice down with a quiet yell "SOPHIA, GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW". That didn't even slow her down. I had to chase her around the ENTIRE store. Yep. All the way in a circle. Oh, I walked out (once I caught her) so fast and was getting so many looks. Now, I realize that this is a different age than Giselle (there are lots of stories of people staring beginning around birth and up) but the concept is the same. If you are ever in public and there is an outburst of crying, if you are able, take a deep breathe and realize that many people there are feeling your pain... You may not get anxious about this, I just thought I would mention it because when I was out and about I would care way too much about if I am bothering someone. I am getting better about not caring so much but it has taken me some time and many many near breakdowns to get there.
Thanks Sister ;) We love you.. and all your wonderful experience. I remember that day in fact.. You called me saying, "You will not even believe what just happened!! This one takes the cake!!" I try not to care about the whole public thing, mostly I dont.. I duck out by the time I know it's serious anyways ;) It's the natural mother to baby connection that gets me. It might as well be a ten inch thick steel cord attaching my belly button to hers.. Every nerve is completely fried after a meltdown. But this I know is one of the many varied gifts of motherhood.. The gift that keeps giving!! Love ya!! Sister
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